Monday, 17 June 2013
This is another song that truly touched my heart and soul this year. Several times I found myself feeling as if my heart had been broken into a million pieces and there was just no way anyone could put them back together. I know there are lots of reasons why people feel like this - broken relationships or bad situations - and I think the song does really reflect these, but for me it was different.
I have a problem with my identity and my self-worth. I am bad at a lot of things - and funny enough they are all the things that I am supposed to do as my 'job'. I am a useless housewife and I cook the same things every week. I am so far behind in my laundry that our clothes think they live in the garage and get out for a vacation to be worn once in a blue moon... The problem is that this stuff is pretty simple - especially when you think of the modern appliances that we have - so when I find myself struggling I take it out on those I love most - those around me - and slowly being a bad mum and a bad wife get added to the list. And although its different for everyone, when these lies started swimming through my head I felt like tiny little chips were being chopped off my heart until my heart was totally broken and in million of tiny pieces.
When I got like this - and yes it happened again and again because I had chosen to repeatedly listen to the lies rather than God's truth - I listened to this song on repeat.... and I really mean on repeat!! Let's just say that my 6 year old can song along to it and knows all the words!! The song itself is beautiful but these two lines touched me and reminded me of a very important truth in my life...
"Creator only You take brokenness
And create it into beauty once again"
In Jeremiah 18 we read about the potter and the clay. The Lord tells Israel that He is the potter and that they are the clay - and that He has the power to build up or tear down a nation based on how they react to His Word. And in Isaiah 64:8 we read
"And yet, O Lord, you are our Father. We are the clay, and you are the potter. We all are formed by your hand."
We are the clay - God forms us and when we make a mistake or when we break He can mould us and reform us, building us up to be a new creation. God alone can take my brokenness and my self-doubt and my lack of identity and He can turn them into something to glorify His name. He holds me, moulds me and sometimes He may even have to start all over again when I am too chipped or broken, but He does so in infinite patience and love. He doesn't leave me in the state of brokenness. He helps me become something beautiful, and helps me to realise that I am loved by the King of Kings and Creator of the Universe.
Psalm 100:3 says
"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture."
We are His. He made us. And when we are broken, He can fix us.
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Have you ever felt like no matter how many people where around you, you were all on your own? Have you ever had a day so bad that even when you called out to God, He wasn't there? Or at least thats how you felt?
Over the past 6 months I have had plenty of days like that. Days when I woke up feeling alone, surrounded by the chattering of my boys and my husband, all of whom had no idea how alone I felt sitting right beside them. I've had days where I felt that God had deserted me. That I had pushed Him too far away and that He had walked away and said 'No more..'
But today's song was one that filled me with hope - the hope that no matter how far I'd gone, there was no-where I could go that would separate me from my Father. It gave me hope that I have a connection to my God that goes deeper than just going to church (which I wasn't doing) and touched my very soul. The words of this song penetrated my walls to remind me that even though I can't see Him, my God is very real and right there.
"I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen"
It hit me that these words were so true. My faith is so real that its part of me. I mean when you think about it, when I asked Jesus into my head all those ears ago I asked Him to send the Holy Spirit to come and dwell in me - to actually come and live in me - helping to guide me and counsel me and live for God - to come and be that integral part of me that helps me communicate with my Father. I don't have to see Him or feel Him to know He is there.
Galatians 2:20 tells us -
"My old self has been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. So I live in this earthly body by trusting in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me."
So thank you to BarlowGirl for the one song that reminded me totally that when I have God in my life I am never ever alone.
Tuesday, 11 June 2013
Over the past few months I have been a bit quiet - ok so it's more like I've been missing in action!! - on here but in real life I have been on a journey. I wrote a while back that I had felt burnt out, trying to do everything in my own strength and not in His. But added to this I have been struggling to find my way back to the kind of relationship with God that I yearn for. One that's real - in the good times and the bad. One that can take me questioning my very faith and bounce back with abundant grace and love. One that can comfort me through sleepless nights of soul-searching.
One thing that struck me during this journey is that God uses anything and everything to remind us that we are His. For months I couldn't read or pray. I couldn't find the words to confess my sin. I couldn't find the words to ask for help to get my life back the way I wanted it. All I could do was cry and scream and shout at my Father. I lost my way and couldn't seem to find it again in the midst of a sea of pride, control issues and lack of identity. And the scary thing was that this had happened at a relatively quiet time in my life. I didn't have anything to blame it on - no loss of a husband or loved one; no financial problems crippling us; no betrayal or hurtful situation pulling at me. There was no outward reason for my battle - just an inward fight for control and an inward battle for my soul.
But what I could do in the midst of crying, was listen to music. I tried to shun all the Christian music at the start, listening to all the 'secular' tunes on my iPad, but that ended up with me finding messages in tunes like 'Firework' by Katy Perry or 'We made it' by Busta Rhymes (feat. Linkin Park).... So I reopened myself to whatever music came on and just listened as God talked to me, reminded me of exactly what He'd done for me and how much He loved me.
Over the next few weeks I'm going to share some of the music that I listened to, hoping that even if you are at a stage where you can't read, pray or don't even want to think about going to church, that you can start by hearing His words in song, and remembering that the King of Kings and Lord of all creation loves you.
Personally for me, the journey is still ongoing and while some parts of my life are going well - I'm reading and praying again - some need a little more time - like going back to church and opening myself up to true fellowship with other believers. But it's getting there in His strength and I pray that the music will encourage us all.