Thursday, 18 February 2016

C is for...

Have you ever been in the situation where you have had to make a choice whether to sin or not? I'm talking about doing things you know are wrong - making them a decision rather than a reaction. 

Should you go and meet that person you are emotionally invested in, even though you know where it could lead? Should  you eat that bun, despite being addicted to sugar and the battle that brings? Should you tell that wee white lie that won't hurt anyone and will make your life so much easier in the short term... ignoring any long term problems that might arise? 

Today I had one such occasion happen. I had a conversation with someone that got me a little upset and annoyed, so what's the first thing I did? I went into a shop bought a whole pile of sweets and sat and ate them - one after another - in the privacy of my car. 

Emotional binge eating at its finest. 

And afterwards I felt even emptier than when I started. I felt dead inside, annoyed and totally ashamed at myself. 

You see I know what I should have done. I should have paused, lifted my eyes and asked my Heavenly Father for His help dealing with the call and especially with my emotions. I should have continued to let God be in control but I didn't. 

Instead of letting God control my emotions, I let my emotions control me. 

It's something I continually battle with. When I worry I take back control, as if I'm telling God He isn't big enough to handle it. 

When I get emotional I take back control and react wildly, without thinking and often with terrible consequences. 

And all the while I have to remind myself that if God wanted me to take control and wanted me to deal with all of this on my own, He wouldn't have sent Jesus for me. 

He gave us freedom when He died on the cross. And part of that freedom is knowing that the one who hung the stars in the sky is holding onto my heart each and every second of each and every day. It's understanding that when God is in control He sees the big picture and knows when and where we need to be.

There is beauty and peace knowing God is in control as I need to remember not to take it back. 

Keep shining xx 

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